I appreciate that the summary above isn’t that descriptive or informative, so here is more detail on what it is like to live with depression.

 

A person who is depressed, will typically have a blend of the following, to lesser or greater degrees, depending on their own personal circumstances:

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A negative view of themselves, the world and the future – this was first described by Aaron Beck, the founder of Cognitive Therapy (as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy it is known in the USA). He noticed this pattern of thinking in the patients he worked with. He termed this the Negative Cognitive Triad. One’s thinking is heavily affected when depressed, here are more ways this shows itself:

 

When depressed, we are critical - of ourselves, but also of others. Nothing we do is that great, it’s seems to us that we go through life making one error after another error. Everything we do is rubbish. Not only that, but we are totally rubbish too. We usually develop a deep dislike of ourself. Develop self-loathing and self-hatred. And as we are always with ourselves, our self-criticism and loathing makes life grim. There is no escape from it.

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When we think of the past, we recall negative events, mistakes, missed opportunities, regrets. We mull over these time and time again, turning these over, without doing anything helpful with them, ruminating on them.

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We may even start to think about and struggle to see the point of anything we do. Maybe even of being here. Of living.

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Mood wise, we will have a persistent low mood, feeling down. Actually, a more dominant mood may be irritability. Depression gets expressed differently in different people. When more irritable, we are more snappy and angry. This means that we are unlikely to be the best company for others - although we may pretend and fake being okay.

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We are likely to feel rather hopeless about the future, about things ever improving.

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Not only that, but we feel a sense of helplessness. Helpless to do anything that will help the situation, improve things for us, make us feel better.

 

What, feel better? Your brain reacts violently at the mere mention of it. Nope. No chance!

 

Body wise, we feel lethargic, tired all the time – despite not doing much activity to actually justify being tired. We drag our weary self through our day. We want to sleep more. We likely spend more time in bed. But often wake early, well before it is time to get up. We wake tired, not rested or refreshed.

 

We may experience aches and pains, other physical symptoms. If we visit our doctor, they can’t find any physical cause. We suppose that is probably good. But we don't feel good about anything. 

 

We lack drive and motivation. We can’t be bothered. Things are hopeless. We are helpless. So, why bother?

 

We take less care of ourselves. Maybe get a bit less bothered about personal hygiene, washing, the state of the clothes we wear… Our diet gets worse. If we drink, our alcohol intake probably increases. So does the intensity of any hangovers or roughness the day after - depression and alcohol don't mix well.

 

We withdraw from other people. We dodge social invites. As a consequence, we get invited to fewer events and gatherings. We spend more time alone, isolated, becoming more lonely with more time to think. Mmmm.

 

All of this feeds our depression. What we think, do and don’t do, is reinforced further. It’s like a fire, with us continuously feeding it more and more wood.

 

I write this description to help show you – if you are suffering with depression – that you are not alone. You will likely see yourself in my description of depression. (I almost wrote 'I hope you see yourself...' but I don't hope anyone to be depressed!) My description may help you to recognise some of the other ways that you are affected by depression – maybe in some ways that you hadn’t yet noticed.

 

Or, if you are not depressed yourself, but know someone who may be depressed, then hopefully this helps you to better understand what it is like for that person and what is going on for them.

 

Next:

• Read my summary on why depression develops

• Read about the best treatment for depression

• Read about the other psychological problems that I can help with

• Or, get in touch to find out how I can help in East Dulwich, or online through Zoom